Study Shows 96% of Humans Would Rather Be Animatronic Bears

Would your life be better as one of the Five Bear Rugs?

In a satired look at the year in review, The Onion news source announced a playful statistic. If you don’t care to wade through the video in its entirety getting to this one piece, or if you’d rather avoid some of the more crude sections of an an otherwise family un-friendly video, here’s the text which was accompanied by video of the Country Bear Jamboree:

“…and lastly, in the year’s most significant statistical study, researchers discovered this Spring that 96% of humans would rather be a singing, dancing animatronic bear. The study found that sitting on a plastic log, strumming a banjo, and singing songs on a stage with all your goofy bear friends is for the vast majority of the people on the planet far preferable to one’s current state of existence.

For many Disney fans, such data makes sense and can be easily assumed and taken as legitimate. But these are just the “bear” facts. Those who think critically may want to dig deeper and ask the following questions:

  1. Would those numbers be higher or lower if Disneyland still had the Country Bear Jamboree playing?
  2. If all the guys [girls] that turned me on, didn’t turn me down, would those numbers fluctuate?
  3. Was “running ninety miles an hour, making thirty feet a jump” the mean, medium, or mode?
  4. Is there a standard deviation between those who want to whip, pound or shoot little Buford?
  5. What statistical percentage of the blood all around was inclusive of what was on the saddle and what was on the ground?
  6. Were studies done on an individual’s preference toward being a grim grinning ghost or an enchanted tiki bird?

This of course “bearly” scratches the surface, but you get the idea. “High on the mountain” tell me what data do you see? Let me know.

Meanwhile, here’s to 2011, where we “had such fun, we’re going to cry.” And here’s to hopin’ that “y’all come back” in 2012 to make it the best year possible.

J. Jeff Kober